Here are some articles written by Shmoozel in Camp Chayolei Hamelech's weekly newsletter entitled
A Shmoozel with Leemanov
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Week 1
So you were sitting by the Shabbos table, and you saw someone giving out papers. FREE papers. So you go and take one or two (just in case) and you start reading. Or maybe you just happened to find it all covered up with Babaganush stains, and figured it was worth getting a bit dirty. Beats me why.
But it is a good thing you did, because you will gain nothing from reading it. And your waiter will have a harder time doing his job. Which brings us to the question: Why are they called waiters? Usually the campers are waiters for the waiters. Go figure. Actually don’t go figure…
On the same note why are they called learning teachers? Are there teachers for something else besides learning? Maybe they’re learning how to be teachers. That makes cents, on visiting day… the Learning teachers that is… Whatever, you won’t understand. Basically the learning teachers make cents on visting day. Now I’m making some sense… Oh, and it’s called learning class. I guess in other classes you don’t learn? Are you even getting the questions?
On a higher note, why are they called bunk houses? What does bunk mean? Is it a house without a basement? Is it a basement without a house? Or maybe it is neither?
All these questions are making me dizzy… hold on… I think my head is… Oy vey… Few! Don’t worry that was nothing I’m OK.
So what was I saying… I mean writing… I mean typing… Oh never mind! Back to the questions: What’s shmayonky? You know as in “we want Shmayonke!”. Was Moshiach called Shmaya. No! The Rebbe is Moshiach! See you actually gained something from reading this. See you next week!
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Week 2
Oh, it’s you sitting there again. So let’s get straight to the point which is: Why does camp have so many weird names? For example why is it called canteen? Does it mean that some cans there are teenagers? Now I understand why some of the soda tastes funny. And speaking of funny, I was just sleeping on the floor the other night. That’s it… that’s the punch line. What you don’t get it? Don’t tell me you think it’s not funny to sleep on the floor. Few! Thank you for not telling me it’s not funny, (even though you can’t…)
Speaking of you… Please stop reading now. NU! Why are you continuing to read? You think I don’t realize? My spies tell me everything, don’t try to fool me. Even if you turn you head to the side and peek with your eyes, I can still tell that you are reading. Fine… do what you want; I won’t stop you, (even though I can’t… (Sounds familiar no?))
Ok you win… if you really insist; I’ll get back to the point (if there is any). How do the counselors sleep through the revile tape? I just don’t get it… They are the closest to the speakers! Maybe it has to do with canteen. And I hope you got the answer I just told you otherwise… well… you’ll lose time of your next trip. This means in other words, that you will fall down much faster. And I will not explain that either. It won’t help you even if you continue reading. I said it won’t help! Why don’t you ever Derher the first time? I mean read the first time… I mean Deread… I mean don’t read… ARRRRRRGGGHHH! This is getting frustrating. $%$%^#*&^*&%# I give up.
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Week 4
I have good news and bad news:
The good news is there were no lines in six flags. The bad news is there were literally no lines. There was just a big empty path in the ground, so we had to spread out our feet in order to get on the ride.
If you don’t understand read again (that is a general rule of the Shmoozel – ED) and also see how people around you are still walking.
Anyway, my favorite ride was the roller coaster that goes up and down, round and round. And when you go up the one on your right goes down. When you go down the one on your right goes up. And of course the scariest part of the ride, are the horse’s faces.
Speaking of scary faces, it’s a good thing those roller coaster people cover their eyes, even though they’re already wearing sunglasses and don’t need to.
Those silly people are probably the ones who don’t know how to make money. They make you pay for a cup to get free refills, instead of just giving free drinks and charging for the bathroom.
My second to most favorite ride was the bumpy one where you lie down, only to be woken up by your counselors when you get to camp.
“I’m not scared of roller coasters,” said the frightened camper.
“I’m not scared of campers,” said the frightened counselor.
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Journal
You are holding a Chayolei journal in your hand. A journal is supposed to be read. If you are from Oholei Torah you will just look at the pictures.
So then what is the point of the making of the Journal? To read your counselors letters? Well that might be, especially since this is the only time you counselor can talk and you can't disturb. But who reads the letter anyway?
So then maybe it is in order for you to have your friends contact information. Come on, seriously, who even looks at that? It is only for your counselor to know which house not to walk into by mistake...
You are probably thinking that the conclusion will be, that it is in order for the counselor to make fun of you when you are not around, so you can't do anything to him. Now while you are probably right, I cannot say so, due to the policy agreement contract I signed before taking oath into the Chayolei regime over a Yechi Yarmulka and a pole. So as far as this article is concerned this big fat monstrous question was not yet answered....
Finally, after much meditation, contemplation, fabrication, inspiration, conversation, deliberation, consideration, stimulation, motivation, aspiration, perspiration, and unification, we have come to the dramatic finalization that the purpose of the... what were we talking about again... oh! right the purpose of this journal is, drum role.... To keep the staff busy.
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P.S. Shmoozel also wrote in and created The Chayolei Newsletter 5772
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